As good neighbors do, of course, they had invited Charlotte to attend one of the neighborhood gatherings. Charlotte couldn’t bring herself to do it though. She glanced over at her son, playing with his toys, unaware of the fact that Charlotte hadn’t been able to buy him anything for Christmas yet. She still wasn’t sure if she would be able to scrape together any money or not in the next few weeks.
Charlotte’s life had not gone as she had hoped. Inside, she felt numb as she tried to not cry. Numbness was her best way to try and keep herself together, to try and avoid facing the fact that she felt like a failure in almost all aspects of her life.
From the outside, her life looked fairly normal. Nobody would know of the feelings she had inside, as nothing in her life appeared to be a failure. She had a house, a son, a job, etc., and nothing appeared out of sorts, especially since she smiled at everyone she met.
As she tried to reason through why she was so numb, of what caused the pain that she tried to suppress, she could only think that she never felt a connection to any person. Ultimately, she was realizing, she felt alone, too little or unimportant to be cared about, too little to have anything worthwhile to contribute to the world.
Others did really neat things all of the time. She just spent her time trying to hold things together inside. Others thought about their friends and gave nice gifts. She had to put all of her energy into making ends meet.
Ultimately though, she realized she felt like a failure because she didn’t feel like she was worthwhile to another human. It had been so long since anyone had just stopped by to talk to her or call just to chat.
She looked over at her son again. She wanted him to have what everyone else had, but he just had her. Since her hands and heart felt so empty, she didn’t feel she had anything to give him. Feeling unable to give hurt her inside, and only added to her feelings of loneliness and failure.